I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
