one might say we're banned from that church
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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