my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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