Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
