How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize