He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
