sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
