Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
