I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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