So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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