Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
