Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She bit a glass in half.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
