My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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