I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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