I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
