When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
