dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
