Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
