You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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