I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You have to summon your inner elephant
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
