so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
