I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
