hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
