6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
