my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
