Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
