It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
