i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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