He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
