last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
