someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
