thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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