it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
