You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
