he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
