I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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