if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
