Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
