I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
