Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
