my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
