Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
