Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
