watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
