And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
