grandma shit on top of the toilet
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
