i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
