Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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