Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just high enough for therapy.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my liver is dry heaving
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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