but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
