i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
