I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
