in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish you could order shots online.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
