why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
