he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
