You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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