There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
