Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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