Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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