That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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