Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize