At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All the doctor said was why
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
