this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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