The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i am craving dick and cupcakes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
