I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
