Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Couch. On fire.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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