office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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