I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I skipped work to stalk him.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize