you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
