maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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