You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
