he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
