Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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