i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You need a sexual gate keeper
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
