my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
