You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
