My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
