I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
