On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
