Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
