just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
