Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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